Magic Mike

Bare ass in the first two minutes... BARE. ASS. IN THE FIRST TWO MINUTES! If that doesn't grab your attention, then you are dead to me!

I'm gonna break it down for you, I went to this movie to see some goddamn male strippers! Let me tell you, it did not disappoint. Yes, they had to throw some kind of storyline in there, but, thankfully, it just kind of plays in the background to the amazing numbers on stage starring ABS, ARMS, and ASS. AAA, yo.

To say I went into this movie expecting a naked disaster would be the understatement of the year, but what it turned out to be was a very enjoyable naked movie. It was hilarious too! I went to see it on a Tuesday afternoon with my sister. The theatre was surprisingly crowded for a Tuesday after in July. There were a total of 3 guys in the entire theatre, 1 with his girlfriend and 2 guys that came together. Bless them. The true joy was the row of 7 women, most likely all over 40, who were in a book club that came to see some strippers. How do I know they were in a book club? Well, as they were waiting for the movie to start, they wanted to get a group picture and what did they put down first? "Fifty Shades of Grey" All of them. Seriously. It kind of blew my mind and then made me feel sad for humanity and women in general.

SIDE NOTE: I am very disappointed in the studio heads who totally missed a golden, money-making opportunity by not making this movie in IMAX 3D. Seriously.

Anywho, after the photo op, the lights went down and the strippers were on their way! The opening scene DID NOT disappoint. The filmmakers knew what they were doing; they knew ladies (and gentlemen) weren't coming to see the movie for the storyline, they were coming for some male nudity. Some sexy male nudity. And that opening scene didn't disappoint. Bare Channing Ass. Seriously. I'm not lying. Just take a sweet, long gander at the image above. See? Bare Channing Ass.

As you can imagine, I can't really recall what happens after the bare ass... I think there were two ladies and an awkward conversation, but it's not really important.

Next scene, Bare Channing Ass (not literally) working at his construction job where he meets a new worker, who just so happens to look like he would make a FANTASTIC stripper. First, Bare Channing Ass has to show him how it's done. Really though, he's just doing it out of the goodness of his stripper heart since his new coworker needs money. (See? More of that unnecessary storyline)

Cue new coworker, who would make a FANTASTIC stripper, helping out backstage at the Strippertorium© (pending copyright). Here we get a glimpse of the dynamic and person friendships among the... oh, who the hell am I kidding? MORE STRIPPERS!

We've got Tarzan (ew), Tito (eh), Ken (eh), and Big Dick Richie. Yes, you read that correctly. Big. Dick. Richie. Just to drive home that name even more, and make sure the audience didn't miss anything, there is a scene involving him and a penis pump before a performance as a fireman. Yep. THIS. MOVIE. PENIS PUMP. FIREMAN. Aaaaand. Scene.

After the hilarious introduction of the other "dancers", some storyline things happened to show that the strippers were people too, but honestly? Who cares? More extravagant dance numbers, please!

Oh yeah, Matthew McConaughey was in this too, but I find him to be just too leathery looking for me. BUT, he WAS hilarious in this movie! Case in point, the scene where he teaches the poor, new FANTASTIC stripper Mike found, how to dance and REALLY take of his clothes. I mean, seriously, the greatest thing ever. He was clearly the old, worn out, but not ready to give up the life, stripper. And it was totally believable!

As the "story" progresses, Bare Channing Ass starts to realize that if he doesn't get out now to start his custom furniture making business, oh, I'm sorry, did I leave that little gem out? Well, it's true. Bare Channing Ass wants to start a business making custom, one-of-a-kind furniture out of shit you find in dumpsters or on the beach. Yep. It paves the way, in the movie, to point out that he's good with his hands. See what the writer(s) did there? Cuz he's a stripper and a builder. OH SNAP. Anyway, Bare Channing Ass realizes that he needs to just walk away if he ever plans on not being a washed up old stripper at the age of 40 and if he ever wants to be good enough for his new coworker who would be a FANTASTIC stripper's sister. Oh, yeah, there's that too. Bare Channing Ass falls for new coworker who would make a FANTASTIC stripper's sister. Again, don't really care, but they had to throw some romance in there, apparently.

Now, I don't want to give away the ending, but let's just say, it was ok. The extravagant dance numbers were a little too short for me, but rumor has it that every single routine from the movie, plus extras, will be a part of the DVD release, unedited and extended (HA! see what I did there?).

So, if you haven't seen it and you enjoy AAA (Abs, Arms, and Ass), then GO SEE IT IN THEATRES! ON THE BIG SCREEN! Seriously. You will hate yourself if you don't. Yes, I did not "hoot n' holler" at the screen, I just laughed the entire time because it was SO funny, awkward, and entertaining, but it needs to be seen on the big screen. THEN, you can go out and buy the DVD or on iTunes, when it comes out and you can enojy it anytime you want. And you can skip through the non-strippy parts.